“You’re the doctor,” Grandpa was telling the doctor from the hospital on the telephone. “You know best.” The doctors wanted to do a spinal tap on Grandma to make a definitive diagnosis and they needed Grandpa’s permission. I was standing next to him and heard him agree to the procedure. But when it came time to do it, Grandpa insisted that he had never given his permission.

Was this a beginning sign of his senility? Was Grandpa afraid of finding out that Grandma was very seriously ill? Or was he afraid that she might die during the spinal tap? Perhaps it was “just” one of his demonstrations of power. Whatever the reason, Grandma’s condition went undiagnosed and, therefore, inadequately treated.

I think Grandma was suffering from meningitis. She was confused, had headaches, was restless and started getting out of bed and wandering around. At one point, they had to restrain her. She talked nonsense. But the doctors were helpless. Grandpa had the authority, and he used with horrific consequences.

Grandpa had done a lot of bad, dumb or nasty things in his life. He had gambled away at least one butcher shop and forged one of his sister-in-law’s checks while living in her house. He had accused Grandma of having had an affair with a renter and often made others responsible for his mistakes. Grandpa was the family tyrant. However, when Grandpa refused to let Grandma be examined properly, he topped them all! As a result, Grandma’s mental and physical health was impaired.

Once, when Dad and Grandpa were visiting Grandma at the hospital, she began to say incoherent things. Grandpa told her to keep still. It was painful for him and Dad to experience Grandma this way. Then Grandpa covered her mouth with his hand in an attempt to end her ramblings with force. Dad told him to stop. Grandpa didn’t, a verbal row ensued, and Dad left abruptly.

It was a blustery winter day. The streets were full of slush and driving was difficult. Soon after Dad got home, Grandpa drove up in front of the house. Angry with Dad, Grandpa had gotten into his car and raced through town after him. Grandpa stormed into the house and tried to continue the argument started in the hospital room. Mother was often able to quiet her father-in-law down in such situations. She calmly asked him if he would like a cup of coffee. The muscles in his face relaxed, he took his jacket off quickly, threw it over a chair and followed Mother into the kitchen. The tension was broken.